Today I was talking to Mandy, a senior Human Resources specialist based in China.  She works for a large international tech company and loves her job.  Everyday she gets up early and has a set routine, doing a few exercises, reading the latest international news and making breakfast for her husband and 11 year old son.


Her son is her world and she worries about his academic achievements, so spends hours working alongside him to give him the support he needs to get the highest results.  In China it’s critical your child is a high achiever in order get the best opportunities in the future.


Mandy’s mother and sister live nearby and she is always considering their needs before her own.  She does all the shopping for the family and is always thinking ahead.  As an avid shopper, she loves a bargain and so you can find Mandy in the online stores during Black Friday.  Whenever I talk with Mandy, she always tells me what she is doing for someone else.


I teach Mandy English speaking every other night as she is a firm believer in continually developing herself.  Over the past few months we’ve got to know each other quite a lot and we’ve realised that sometimes we’ve faced the similar issues in our life.


When you look at Mandy’s life and career it appears perfect.  She has an excellent job that she loves and achieves great bonuses every year.  She has a lovely son, husband and family.  She has invested wisely, so has a nice apartment and stock investments.


However as I’ve got to know Mandy I’ve detected some things are not quite right, but it’s hard to explain.  From the outside, Mandy’s has a good job and happy family, but there seems to be something missing.  When we talk, it’s not clear what it is and also what to do about it?  I suppose if she knew what was missing, she would know what to do about it.


Like me, Mandy has achieved all she wanted to achieve in her career – she set her goals way back in college and has done everything she planned to do, but now is finding it difficult to work out what to do with the rest of her life.  Her life, like mine, is perfectly fine and really there is no need to change, but we both know there is something missing.


We recently talked about why we aren’t able to make decisions and we talked about our egos.  I asked her what was ‘ego’ as she explained that she had done some training about this in her past.  Mandy explained that there are three types of ego.   There is a Super ego, ego and ID.  Neither of us knew what ID meant, so we checked out on google and found out that ego can be made up of ID and superego.  Superego is the critical, logical parent part of us, whereas ID is the needy, childish part which tends to be spontaneous. 


When we saw the following diagram above I could see Mandy and myself in the centre of the diagram, but Mandy thought she was more superego, which made sense and she has a strong inner voice telling not to do things.


After seeing this diagram above I realised that ego is in the mind – it’s what controls us most of the time.  One part is the child, spontaneous part, the part that’s saying ‘just do it’ and then there is the other part that’s just saying ‘it’s not allowed.’ 


At this point I realised I was living in my heading with my ego.  My ego was making decisions or more accurately, stopping me making decisions because the child and parent were counting-acting each other and therefore creating indecision and no action!


I shared with Mandy that when we are stuck in our heads, we are ignoring what our hearts are saying.  I explained that I could not hear my intuitive side because of the ‘noise’ being created by my ego in my head.  As soon as I listened and trusted my heart all the stress seemed to disappear and knew what I was trying to decide was easy – I just needed to follow my heart and trust my decision.


Having this insight has helped Mandy and I workout what we want in our lives.  For Mandy, she is creating what her ideal day looks like, so she can then start planning to achieve her vision.


For me I decided to sign up for the next stage of Mentors to create a successful online business.  It was a tough decision because I knew my life was ‘ok’, but did know something was missing.  Once I decided to get on board with the latest Mentors programme the stress I was feeling completely disappeared. 


If you want to find out more about how to set up a business online, so that you can work anywhere in the world, sign up below to get some free videos.  After watching the videos ask yourself, what decision am I making right now and remember is it your ego or your heart answering?

David Harborne